In life we do two types of running — and we’re not referring to sprints and long distance running — we’re talking about running away from something or running toward something. Inexorably so, if you’re running away then you’re running in the direction of something else. The difference is that one empowers you while the other takes your power away. One allows you choice while the other serves you up a warm bowl of consequences. But girl, you, get to decide. So grab your sneakers and let’s get into it!
The problem with running away
A propensity for running away from hard things and difficult situations often stems from a fear of something deeper– something that needs to be dealt with, preferably sooner rather than later. *Running away is avoiding. It is ignoring. It is choosing to look the other way. It is neglecting yourself. It is paying no attention. It is eroding your self trust and depleting your self esteem. The problem with running away is that the very act of avoiding will make you weaker.
You can try to run, but you meet yourself when you get there.
– Jenifer Lewis, actress + entertainer
Running away robs you of the opportunity to strengthen your sense of self and deepen your confidence in your own ability to handle difficulty. What often happens is that the very thing thing that you are running away from is what you will run into in the future. Because what you find out is that the thing or person or circumstance that you think you’re running from may appear to be external but it is really something on the inside of you. Jenifer Lewis said it best when she said, ” You can try to run but you meet yourself when you get there.” A person or situation or circumstance can trigger or agitate you but you are the one who chooses whether to rise up in your power or hand it over to a person, situation or circumstance.
Running away may look like:
- Circumstances that scare you.
- Difficult conversations that you need to have.
- Things that you feel you can’t do or won’t succeed at.
- Bills you should pay but don’t.
- Decisions that you need to make but dodge.
- The truth that can be uncomfortable and inconvenient.
- An intimidating person.
- Emotional pain from the past.
- Responsibility.
- Ugly parts of yourself.
- Diagnosis.
- Oppressive people.
- Your health.
- Childhood trauma.
- Making challenging decisions.
- All the adulting everyone forgot to mention.
But, you need that resistance
The list can go on forever. But it’s like working out. If you want to ‘tone up’ then you need to build some muscle which requires you to push or pull some resistance. Read that as {challenge, consistent hard moves, discomfort, pressure, heavy stuff, sometimes painful moves.} However, it is running towards that resistance and choosing it that makes you stronger which will ultimately get you to the goal. It is choosing to lift the heavy weight. It is choosing to endure the pressure and be uncomfortable.
Keeping up appearances keeps you stuck
You may have a lot of areas in your life that are working well but there’s just one or two places that are out of whack. Your home may be immaculately put together and everything looks like it sparks joy but your body’s health is declining with every meal you eat. Your daily outfits might be runway worthy but your finances have you in a daily choke hold. You may drive a shiny car and have a fancy title at work but your emotions are fragile and you’re meaner than the Grinch.
Your mental health might be hanging on by a thread but no one would guess because you look like you have it all together and even your abs have abs. It may also be that you keep running from getting regular check ups at the doctor or you’re dodging the dentist like Neo in the Matrix. Maybe you’re afraid to face the truth about a relationship that is unhealthy and toxic so you endure and keep up appearances. Or, you keep jumping from relationship to relationship to avoid being alone and taking the time to work on yourself.
Sweep it out
If you’re still not convinced that running away doesn’t serve you here’s another example! It is like sweeping a room and instead of sweeping the dust out of the room or bending down to pick it up you instead choose to sweep it under the bed. On the outside the room looks nice and neat and swept but the dust is still there — hidden but it will eventually find its way around the room again. When we run away we become an active participant in our own demise (so by not ensuring the dust is completely out of the room we make it worse by knowingly keeping it in the room.)
That bill that you can and should pay but don’t– will end up ruining your credit. The exercise and healthy eating that you avoid doing now– you will be forced to do later. That conversation that you should have– could save that relationship. Facing the childhood trauma– could get you the healing that you need that unblocks multiple areas in life where you might be stuck.
You benefit when you run towards your fear
You automatically empower yourself by turning in the direction of that which you are afraid. Sweaty palms, frog in your throat, racing heart, peeing your pants type of afraid! When you stop running and decide to take control of the situation your mind begins to look for solutions. You will immediately position yourself in a place to course correct, problem solve and increase your confidence. What you are doing is moving from a passive-victim-mindset to a mindset that is proactive and focused on victory. You put yourself in the driver’s seat of your life instead of sitting by and watching life happen to you in the passenger seat.
Will it be hard? Yes, probably.
Can you do it? Absolutely. Because you are capable but you need to take the first step.
Will you be shaking in your boots scared? Yes, heart racing and everything.
Must you do it? Yes because the things we run from are usually the things that we should be addressing most. They hold the keys to living a fulfilled life and living life completely. And tracing them will lead you back to areas that you find yourself stuck.
It is in the challenge and hard places, the struggles, the loss, difficult people, the pain and all the things you avoid, ignore and pretend to not see, all the things that feel like they are going to break you — it’s those things that hold the power to strengthen and position you higher. They are the gifts that make you resilient, steadfast and formidable. Your job is to be willing to face them and facing them means you stop running away and decide to run towards them. Hard? Absolutely! Worth it? Absolutely!
So don’t delay, go get the broom and sweep the dust out from under the bed. In a year you’ll be so glad you did.
*This does not apply to situations of violence, harm or anything or person that may be experiencing abuse of any kind. These statements are informational and are not intended for the purpose of diagnosing, prescribing or solving domestic situations. Please refer to our T&C for full disclosure.
Creative Direction + Writing + Styling: Diarra Yaw | Photography: Evelynn Photography | Production Assistant: Irina Javid | Makeup: Phillipine Demeestere Models: Annelise Adams