We could plan a lot of things in life but sometimes life shows up with unplanned events that knock us down but it’s how we handle the hard times that determines how we bounce back.
So the question is, “What do you do when things don’t go as planned?” Sometimes things happen that you can’t foresee and didn’t know to plan for. And, it’s something that turns you and your entire world upside down and you can’t even think of a plan to get up, let alone imagine what’s next. Sometimes life events knock you down and hit you in the depths of your heart because the truth is you don’t emotionally plan for severe loss or terminal illness, divorce or depression, job loss or sudden death, pandemics, bankruptcy or betrayal, and certainly not the heartbreak of it all. But life — happens– and two things will make a difference in how you journey through a hard time:
- What you do when you get knocked down
- How long you stay down
Let’s discuss!
When you get knocked down…
As part of the human experience we get knocked down. It’s a given. That, we can expect. We just don’t know the details in advance: the who, what, where, when, how and the least understood…the why. But knowing that when life’s difficulties show up at your door you can prepare a few things in advance like:
Prayer
Even if you have a hard time believing in God, when you’re backed into a corner try saying a prayer. Just talk to God, like you would with a close friend–even if it’s your first time. Ask for help in your situation, in the pain you feel, in needing guidance for moving forward, for comfort and for anything else that comes to mind. Prayer helps to soothe your nervous system and shift your perspective helplessness to hope. It’ll also help relieve the feeling of aloneness.
Breathe deeply
Deeply inhaling and exhaling will switch your autonomic nervous system from a sympathetic state to a parasympathetic state. This means that breathing deeply can essentially help move you from a fight or flight response (panic/anxiety) and shift you into a resting state which positions you in a calm/control. Breathing positively changes your physiology in many ways particularly by bringing an elevated heart rate back to normal. It helps bring you back to center and position you in a better place for decision making.
Speak life
Your words have incredible power; they are commands that go out and fetch you a reality. During a hard time be mindful of your words. Avoid speaking dark, negative, ominous outcomes over your situation. Be very intentional — as hard as it might be and as opposing as it may feel– speak words that profess life over yourself, your situation or other involved. Speak about what you want to outcome to be. Speak about solutions. Speak about what’s good. Let your words fetch you the reality that you want.
Think +
No matter how tempting it is, control your mind and force it to find the solution, the good outcome, the positive in what’s happening. Fight against thoughts that depress you and pull you down. Fight against thoughts that make your future seem hopeless. This is important because when you fight negative thoughts you will get up faster and control your stress levels.
Call someone
Call a trusted friend or family member who can hold space for you. Avoid disappearing and isolating yourself. Isolation is a VIP invitation to depression -so RSVP/ NO. Call someone! Think of someone who is a good listener, someone who can encourage you with a positive perspective and help bring comfort. If there are people around who are trying to help you, open up and let them help you. This can be challenging if you like to keep to yourself and keep it all in but do your best to open up and receive help. You are in a human experience so let other humans help you.
How long you stay down
Release
Getting knocked down is an inevitable part of life and it can be tempting to go under the covers and hide but to bounce back strong you must resist that urge. The sadness may be so overwhelming that you just want to sit in a pool of pity and a bathtub of sorrow. You may be tempted to self destruct by engaging in activities that ultimately harm you but try with everything you’ve got to fight staying down. Grieve. Cry. Talk in therapy. Feel the feelings. Express those feelings in a healthy way and give yourself time to heal.
Automate to maintain
This is a good time to employ the help of a good friend or family member to help you maintain your life. If you need help automating bills, paying them, taking the trash out, getting the kids to school, making necessary arrangements…ask. Asking for help is a strength. It takes more strength to put your pride aside, pick up humility and ask for help.
Rise
Fall down but don’t stay down. Begin to get up. Step by step. Day by day. Get better, one step, one day at a time. But, do get up! You’re worth it to fight for. You’ve got a future to walk into. Your tomorrow can look completely different than your yesterday but you must live through today for that to happen. Some days will be better than others but you must rise. You must push and press through to get to the other side of this hardship.
It’s absolutely not easy to rise from betrayal, to move on from death, to deal with illness, recover from heartbreak, to figure out life after divorce but you must rise. You must rise! You must push and press through to get to the other side of this hardship. Remember there are seasons in life, of darkness and light, of rain and sunshine, of up and down, of cold and heat… what you can know for sure and plan for is that on the other side of down is up.