Jenifer Lewis said it best, “You can try to run, but you meet yourself when you get there. Because when you know who you are then they can’t come for you.” We live in a world where so many girls are growing up with low self esteem and many women struggle with identity and lack a basic understanding of their value. One of the most dangerous places for a woman to be is in a position of not knowing who she is and not knowing her true worth. Girls and women with low self esteem are chewed up in a world full of apex predators who prey on them in relationships, the workplace, and every sphere of life. This is why having a strong sense of self is paramount to success in all areas of life. Self Esteem is directly linked to Sense of Self. When a girl or woman takes the time to cultivate a strong sense of self she gets a real understanding of who she is and who she wants to be, she immediately raises her Self Esteem and Self Worth.
To create a strong a Sense of Self you have to begin with Self Awareness which allows you to begin the Self Work so you can practice Self Trust and raise your Self Esteem.
Self Awareness
Taking inventory
To engineer a strong Sense of Self you have to become self aware. It is the first step to taking ownership of who you are and where you are at any point in your life. It is a process of taking inventory of yourself by simply noticing your habits, your likes, dislikes, your feelings, your emotions, your body, behaviors, your tendencies, attitudes: the good ones and the not so good ones, your preferences, your flaws, your patterns etc. The information you get from the self awareness stage is not to be judged but to be examined to see what’s working and what’s not working. Look to see what aligns with your core values and your central beliefs and decide. You’ll use this information to decide what you want to keep and what you want to say goodbye to.
Self Work
The work that only you can do
Self Work is intentional work in deciding to become the best version of yourself. It is where you begin healing childhood wounds and traumas that keep you stuck or in loops. It is the work that only you can do — and although you can do it with the assistance of a therapist, coach or a good friend — only you can do the heavy lifting. It is you who faces the old feelings and memories. It is you who learns to self soothe and bring comfort to parts of yourself that were painfully forgotten. It is you who does the letting go. It is you who does the forgiving. It is you who does the deciding. It is you and only you who will do the living of your life. This is the work.
Self Trust
The ability to rely on yourself
The ability to trust yourself is directly linked to your self esteem. If you trust yourself you will have a higher self esteem than if you didn’t trust yourself. Trust for yourself is built with the pattern you have of keeping your word, or not. When you follow through on what you say you’re going to do– both for yourself and for others, you build self trust. You also begin to trust yourself when you live congruently which means that your words, behavior, beliefs, attitudes and decisions match and mirror each other. When you live incongruently you experience cognitive dissonance which drastically contributes to lack of trust in yourself. To develop a strong Sense of Self you must live congruently and trust yourself.
Self Esteem
Perception of Yourself
Self Esteem is a perception barometer of how you see yourself. It ranges from high to low and without a strong Sense of Self your Self Esteem is at the mercy of changes. Changes in circumstances, changes in opinions, changes in attitudes, changes in mood, changes in preference, changes in economy, changes in position, changes in title, changes in relationship and so on. When you develop a strong Sense of Self, a strong knowing of who you are and what you’re worth your Self Esteem doesn’t fluctuate with every change. A strong Sense of Self will keep your Self Esteem on an even keel and balanced even when changes occur.
Self Work is not selfish
To cultivate a Sense of Self is a gift to yourself and to those you love. Self work is not selfish but one of the most loving and giving things that you can do. Once you have a strong sense of who you are you are able to show up as the best version of yourself in your relationships and in your communities.
A chain is really is as strong as its weakest link. Communities are made up of individuals. If the individuals are sick then the community is sick. If the individuals are healthy then the community is healthy.
Doing work on one’s self like cultivating a strong Sense of Self is not greedy self-interest but a vital part of showing up whole in your relationships and your communities. It is intentional work that allows you to show up as an aware, conscious version of yourself.
Creative Direction + Writing + Styling: Diarra Yaw | Photography: Evelynn Photography | Production Assistant: Irina Javid | Makeup: Phillipine Demeestere Models: Annelise Adams